Without a Plan

Nothing really prepares you for a broken heart in your 30s. No, not even that first boyfriend from college. Nope, not even that post-college break-up. I am telling you. Nothing. 

You're supposed to be wiser in your 30's (or so I thought when I was but a naive 20 year old). Now that my peers and I are in our 30's, we now know that it is simply not true. Your 30's are just your 20's but with money. This just means you can make bigger mistakes, like getting into gambling after a failed wedding engagement. 

You're supposed to have a plan in your 30's. Supposedly. Ever since I could remember, I have been living my life like a video game with a walk through. I followed the manual. I knew the steps to take which was go to elementary, then high school, then college, then find a job. I planned where I would be living according to my paycheck. After 10 years of working, I knew that I was gonna settle in, get married to the love of my life, move in somewhere homey and start being a wife and mom to adorable kids. I thought that everything was going according to plan. My biggest source of stress was how to pay for bank and car loans and early retirement. Basically, I turned full adult. 

But then, life surprises you. It always does. Suddenly, the bank loans were the least of my worries. Suddenly, I'm alone for the first time in seven years. Even when you follow your life like a walk through, it doesn't really prepare you does it? It distracts you actually. You get into a routine, you get complacent, and then BAM! Big boss around the corner and you're dead. Someone, please, hand me a Phoenix Down. 

Currently, I'm dealing with how to get back my life without falling apart. I'm taking it one day at a time. Like, literally, I don't have a plan tomorrow (who are you and what you done to Tin???) and it's liberating. You get to a certain age and you stop listening to Taylor Swift songs because you can't relate. You thought you'd be immune to heartache because you're supposed to have it all figured out. Well, guess what I'm listening to right now?

All I want to do is survive today. It's terrifying but it's also kind of fun. Suddenly the girl with a plan is now without a plan, and you know what? It's okay. :) 


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