How To Be A Person

“You don’t pass or fail at being a person, dear.”

—  Gaiman, Neil. The Ocean at the End of the Lane.

2014, so far, has been the year of the not-so-comfort zone. It started with a bang (literally) on my 24th birthday on the eve of December 31. I was at Future with my bestfriends while we watched the fireworks consume the Cubao sky. This may just be my imagination but the moment the clock struck 12, I knew 2014 was the year of something else. And boy, that something else really was something else.

I'm not gonna go into details as to what happened starting that day up until the 1st day of August. All I can say is that I made a lot of decisions, some of which I love, some I do regret, but the most important part for me is that those decisions, good or bad, were mine to make.

It really was a whirlwind of a ride, this year. I fell down so many times (still, some literally) because I once again thought I was superhuman and could handle everything on my own. I would find myself staring at random spaces because I was either too tired or too confused to function. I really felt like the world, with its humongous weight and all, was on my shoulders.

I questioned myself a lot of times for the past couple of months. Was I a good person? Or was I just pretending to be this good person when in reality, I am evil? Am I really evil? If I was a good person, why am I making so many bad judgments and why am I getting enemies here and there? Are my principles really supposed to be like this or should I just pretend that everything's okay even if it's against everything I believe in? Basically, my head got crazy and I would have trouble sleeping.

I tried to find the answers to my questions but I failed miserably. Let's face it, no one can figure out anything in this lifetime. We're all just surviving.

I finally understood the phrase -- you can't please everyone. At the end of the day, what's important is that you made decisions you can live and die with. Those decisions you regret, you learn from them. Making mistakes doesn't make you any less of a person. To some extent, it makes you more of a person.

One good deed doesn't make you a good person. 2 wrong deeds don't make you bad. The concept of being a good or bad person is just too complicated. At the end of it all, we just have to be someone we know we truly are, not some person with a good or bad deed labeled on his/her forehead.

How to be a person in this lifetime? Don't ask me. How to be yourself? That's easy.